a friend tried his luck at sexually abusing me
just one thing
im older and wiser and stronger than he thought
and i ran so fast out that door and so far away from him
why do they think i want it to happen
why do they think i would just give them that
and it triggered so much
and it sent me crashing down
and now im not that wiser and stronger person
im older for sure
but just as weak if not weaker
and i fall into old routines
and i dont have the energy to go all the way
but yeah well u get it i si and it felt good
i punished me
and i let it flow out
but i still feel bad
and nothing will take it away except that
i just need to make it through this nite
one night
one more night
please im begging who ever what ever anything everything
just change this please
i dont want to be here in this state hating the way i do
hating everything
hating me
i hate this life i have

sorry rambling