Thank you guys

Well the latest thing which brought me really down was when I asked my fiancée for some support...

I asked her if she could be here the whole day... (she works from 8 am to 5 pm). She did try to manage a special leave for two weeks. She was home by 2pm. Now that leave is over...

I really need her at this time but she clearly told me that she chooses work over me. I guess that it's a hard reality and I just have to accept this too.

As for grief...yes that was it at the beginning. Now it's Dep... But I don't want to stay like this for too much a long time. I choose to live. I choose to fight. And I'll do it on my own.

I already told her that we'll be meeting each other during weekends only. This saddens her... but it's necessary for me. I can't bear that torture having her here part time at this moment.

Thanks again guys.

P.S I have started moving things around the house. My worktable now faces a window. I can see outside while working. It really helps.