((Freefallin))
I've had those thoughts too - 'If I killed myself, maybe then they'd care, but I'm not brave enough to do even that!'. It's the depression talking. You're in a very rough place and it is so hard to see any way out.
Btw, I very much doubt you're too stupid or ugly to find a boyfriend, but I would leave men out of it for now. There are plenty of us on this forum who can tell you that they can create more problems than they solve.