Hey Alexandra, I appreciate your thoughts on this. I did sense some defensiveness but it doesn't surprise me. As my husband and boss say to me all the time. "If you tell me I'm incompetent and reduce me to nothing with a smile or in a calm, firm voice, you are still telling me this and it hurts".

I like his approach because it told me that he was affected. Now, I agree with you that the insurance issue is dead and now we should focus on the feelings. I am afraid to lose him and I do love him (in a family kind of way). My main issue is I know that one day, we'll never see each other again and I'm not dealing with that very well.

You also hit the nail on the head with me placating those I love when they are upset with me. I wanted him to know that I was upset but I still loved and respected him.

The other issue is he isn't always clear with me in his responses. I ask him questions all the time and get short responses. I'm not very good at remembering to come back to him either. It hits me after I leave. I'm guessing this is very ADD of me.

That is why yesterday I was using my interrogation-style format. That means every response is challenged no matter what it is to determine the 'real itent' of the message.

This format requires being firm, calm and steadfast in my questions. The good news is I got the intent and now can put the insurance issue and thoughts of him trying to get rid of me to bed.

The not-so-good news is because I care so much for him, I am affected by how I 'think' I made him feel. I don't know for sure and this will be topic #1 next Tuesday. I will not mention the interrogation structure but something tells me, he figured that out on his own anyway. He knows of my prior 7 year work history...<giggle>

It did take me a year and four months to even attempt this with him. So, the method was carefully considered and it shouldn't be used frequently.

Thank you Alex!!!!!!!