Hi TJ, I'd say you did really well over the day!!
And it sounds like you got something quite meaningful/enjoyable/significant out of the "positive" bits of it, so don't let go of that. The very fact that you've come so far allowed for that, so recognise it, give yourself credit!!
And the "negative" bits..........you know I can't really describe them as simply as that, because there was a lot of "positive" in there too:
Yes, you got to the point where you needed a blade and you got one...........well you turned it over!! Isn't that a positive? Outweighs the needing a blade in my book considering..........
You've felt really bad.............you've talked about it, not just once, not just twice, not just to one person, not just to two people and you've used that towards helping you through.
You haven't been completely understood by people...............you've told it like it is you've helped turn that around for yourself.
And I can keep going if you want............
But, you know lots of positives even in the "negatives".
And you TJ, should be proud of yourself!!!
Alison