I abused drugs.
I lost my boyfriend because of it.
My best friend said she hates me.
I almost died because I intoxicated and stopped to breath.
I damaged my brain and now it's hard to concentrate, to study, to remember etc. Sometimes I forget words and moves I know.
I had several panic attacks after abusing drugs and when I had abstinence I wanted to kill myself without any reason.
I didn't react to driving cars and I think I would be dead if my friend didn't hold me and didn't lead me to home but she did it, she saved me. I don't remember anything.

I started to hate drugs, I have so many reasons to hate it.
The only thing I'm still addicted to is benzos. I want to be free from this addiction too.

I take alcohol once a week but I have always hated drinking because my parents were alcoholics and it's disgusting for me, sometimes I want to kill myself when I'm drunk.

The first reason why I hated/hate to be addicted is that other people don't like me or get hurt because of me. My mother led me to suicide because of her drinking, my boyfriend left me because of my drug abuse.

Abuse of alcohol is disgusting for me esspecially when I see that people who I love do this, it kills me and I know that it kills them if I do it.

I don't think that my post is useful, I just wanted to share my thoughts, experience and say how horrible it can be.

I don't know how to be completely free from all of this, abstinence scares me.