I am like you this way. I do think the critical parent is part of the problem. My dad was a physician, and everyone in the family was smart. They never questioned how our homework was going, never showed interest in our schooling, never acknowledged A's, because that was what you were supposed to do. But, if you got a C, wow, what's your excuse?! I remember getting a C in 7th grade social studies because I really hated the class, but I got the "too bad, do better" talk. Meanwhile, we weren't supposed to draw attention to ourselves, and I got the message that bragging was a big no no.

I became bulimic as a teenager. I was fat until 10th grade, a shy wallflower, and then lost a lot of weight through bulimia. I have the same kinds of fears of putting myself out there because I don't think I'm as good as others and don't deserve attention. I avoid social contact, especially with people I perceive as authorities in areas I am interested in, put them on a pedestal, and am awkward and bumbling around them.

If I can't do things perfectly, then I tend to not want to do them at all. I procrastinate. The fear has run my life. I joke that I'd like to have a lobotomy so that I wouldn't have to be aware of my imperfections, personality flaws, fears. A brain transplant would be nice.

Obviously, none of the therapy I ever experienced did anything to change this deep-seated pattern. It is not as simple as repeating "who cares." I wish it was! If there is a type of therapy that works better for this pattern, please let me know!