Hi Anne,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can very much relate as I was 41 when my husband passed, and it doesn't even occur to people in my age group as a possibility; widowed is a marital status they are just unfamiliar with, so I get a lot of very wide-eyed questions. I also find myself really understanding the outlook of many who are decades older and have experienced a lot of loss, having also lost my lifelong best friend to cancer just a couple of years before my husband passed.

I'm very close to my husband's mom. She's bounced back better than I have, for which I am very relieved; due to his being her only child I was worried more for her than for myself. Anyway, she credits having been active in a bereavement support group, in her case one particular to those who've lost a child, with helping her through. I was always working too much to find time to do something like that for myself, and I regret that I didn't do so sooner, as I think it's more complicated for me now, to deal with those feelings being a few years older..

However, I recently tracked down a suicide bereavement support meeting monthly in my area, which I will be attending for the first time this week (my husband passed willfully, which does involve some specific emotions for those left behind.. I think it will be very helpful to be among others whose experiences will in some ways mirror my own). It's a lot to deal with, and I don't recommend trying to do it entirely on your own. My friends and family are all very sympathetic, but for the most part they really have no idea what it's like, and of course I don't begrudge them that blessing at all. But it will be good to talk to folks who do.

I wish you all the best in your journey.