A few months ago, I hit a real low point in my sobriety. I was going to a ton of meetings and sponsoring a woman, but I wasn't seeing my sponsor on a regular basis, wasn't working my inventories, and was trying to pretend everything was FINE all the time. I wasn't being honest with how upset I was over having MS and how thats changed my life. I thought I had to be happy all the time. But by stuffing how I really felt, it got toxic and I wanted to drink or die.

This prompted me to get into action and start meeting with my sponsor once a week again, writing inventories when they pop up, studying the traditions etc. Since then, life has improved DRAMATICALLY. I'm much much happier and no longer want to drink or die.

However, during the low point, I saw my neurologist and told him how depressed I was. He prescribed and anti-depressant but my insurance denied it so I never started taking anything. Then I jumped back into the steps and no longer feel the depression. I still have my ups and downs, but everyone does.

I spoke with my nurse over my MS meds today and she told me that the neurologist had found another antidepressant that my insurance covers, and its ready to be picked up.

My question is this: I don't know if I need it now! Working the program has lifted me out of the depression. I even spoke to my sponsor about it a couple weeks ago before I knew that one was approved and she said she doesn't see the despair in me that I had.

So I'm thinking I don't need it. I see my neurologist again in May and I will discuss it with him, but I'm thinking that I don't need to go pick up the prescription.

What do you guys think? Any experience with this? I know that many AA's have outside issues that they take antidepressants for. For now, it seems that my diligence with the Steps and my conscious contact is doing the trick and I'm very very happy right now!

I've accepted my place in this world, even with my MS and my inability to work a real job. My sponsor helped me see that I do work --- service work. Here on the boards, with my grandmother, at the meetings etc, and I have the ability to do these things since I don't work a 40 hour a day job.

Before, I was trying to put gratitude on a pile of ish instead of taking care of the resentments in between. Now, I've worked through all that and have finally been able to move into full acceptance, and its made all the difference in my mental status!

So, opinions from fellow 12-steppers?

And Richard.......WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?????

Thanks,

~Rayna