I don't know how to help, but I just wanted to say I agree with you very much, that just because you have learned how to stay safe does not make your depression any less severe than another's. i know how bad it can be, doesn't mean you have to be at the point of harming yourself, and it's unfair it seems to get the urgent attention you need you would have to resort to extreme measures. I'm sorry you have to wait so long for help. I hope you get some answers from your gp tomorrow. best wishes, hugs to you, I hope the help comes soon