Dear Crying-

People often have the misconception that they will automatically win custody bc the ex-wife/sign other- had a substance problem. This is not true. One of my closest friends IS a children's social worker. First, as the mother- you already have that going for you. Although times are changing- in many states- the judge still favors the mother- when the dad vs. mom playing field is level.

Secondly- it does make things MUCH MORE difficult when Mom has an addiction problem- But only in the beginning. The court- as you know- will mandate a treatment plan- but as long as you follow it- lose custody in its ENTIRETY- is very rare- and only happens should Mom relapse. Since you're talking about your kids' aunt- i'm assuming dad isn't a candidate for custody in any way? Is this bc he is deemed incapable by the court? This works in your favor tremendously. The court will go above normal protocol- if dad is not available- to make sure mom stays on the path of recovery- so that she can have custody of her kids.

As long as you're doing what you're supposed to do- you'll be fine.

As for the scheming aunt- put yourself in her shoes- your ex husband was probably telling her lies, or exaggerating the extent of your substance issues- making her feel that she needs to take these kids from their mother. She probably has a lawyer- if so- this lawyer will certainly have advised her to not let you know about her pursuing custody- until the last possible minute.

My friend told me about an incident when mom and dad were fighting each other for custody- and when they got to court- they find out- at that moment- that a third party- one of the sets of grandparents- had entered the case with an attorney- in an attempt to fight and get SOLE custody from both parents!!

You have a right to react angrily. Its definitely a sucky situation - to feel so betrayed.

Best Regards