((shakespeare)),

It "can" be hard to be part of a group or (click) of people. Typically there is an alpha know it all and then a ranking around that person. You are right, there is ususally labeling that takes place too where each person gets ranked within the group. Any "new comer" will be examined to identify them with a label to see "if" they will fit into the group too.

Let's just put aside what you feel is NPD traits here. You have a past where you were a victim and that really affected your ego and self esteem. The alphas in your home were both abusive strong minded individuals and you didn't really have an "identity" and when you tried to have an identity you were not "appreciated, respected, or nurished". It would make sense that you would struggle in a group situation because of how your family group was so dysfunctional.

From what you are discribing of the individual that has a psychology degree? Well it sounds like she is the alpha of the group and uses her degree to "empower" herself and how she is doing that is ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY. The fact that she "threatens" by getting her notebook out? Oh, how awful and actually "sad" IMHO.

shakespeare, some psychologists go into that field because they themselves were challenged and want to know why or learn about psychology. They learn about different disorders and how to identify them etc, but that doesn't mean they understand "compassion and empathy and depth". Often they learn "techniques" and set up a "program" to treat patients, but they don't really "develop personally". Often what can happen is a psychologist can experience their own "personal crisis" and break down, or,
they can "heal themselves and learn and grow while they practice".

Just because you struggle with "criticism" doesn't mean you are NPD. When you watch a movie and something very "sad" takes place and you are moved by it, what that means is you understand "deep hurts" which means you have "empathy". If a psychologist is "good" and is looking at your behavior, it isn't about needing to label you or write you up, it is more about "seeing you" and helping you integrate into the group better.

That is a gift that Madela had that so many admired about him. Even the guard in charge of watching over him felt "good" in his presence.

Unfortunately when people form "groups" there is labeling and vying for positioning and messaging of egos that often takes place. And it is not unusual for "gossip" to take place either. I can think of a group that I had joined and how there was a core of alpha's in it and what I noticed is how many people in that group did not really feel "connected" and also how many just disconnected from it. I didn't have time to "service" that alpha group, so I disconnected too. I did however meet many who had tried to connect that were actually "nice" people but found that the "toxic" core was not really "inviting" and it just was not "worth" their time to "stay involved".

shakespeare, when someone struggles with what is called BPD, what that really means is that person has "extreme victim mentality" and they genuinely struggle with many PTSD traits and can go into "hyper arousal" if any of their deep wounds are triggered. It isn't that these individuals don't have "empathy" either, often they are afraid to empathize because that can open up boundaries that they never learned how to properly defend.

PTSD has what is called "cycles" to it, and so does BPD and that would make sense because both these psychological challenges involve "trauma" and deep hurts/wounds.
BPD is actually a form of what has been identified but not yet accepted in the DSM as
"complex PTSD". It isn't that there is "no empathy" involved, but more of a challenge with "apathy" and "fear".

To be honest, one of the "clues" you have given off is how in your business you do well for a while and then you fluxuate and stagnate. Also, when you are in a group and have this need to be the center of attention somehow and as soon as it doesn't bode well for you, you cave in and disconnect feeling wounded and "unworthy" and "defeated".

What that really means is you are "trapped" in the wounds you experienced as a child that never had a chance to "shine" and have that much needed "unconditional" love. Well, you know "hurt" very intimately, too intimately and while you do have the intellect and knowledge and did a lot of homework, you still have not figured out how to get past the point of "achieving" and "deserving recognition and appreciation" for it. Most who suffer from BPD have this problem and they try to achieve and shine, but, they are expecting to face some kind of punishment and rejection, so they really struggle with trust and apathy. There is a "self absorption" that takes place with this, but it is not NPD, but would seem to be so though.

What I do not like about the diagnosis of NPD is that it can be harmful to the patient and lead them to feel they are somehow "just not ever going to be good enough". And you are right in that there "is" a negative stigma that comes with both the diagnoses of BPD and NPD. And even therapists often don't like to treat these patients and stigmatize them too.

I had come across members that had BPD and I did not really understand them so I asked my T about them. He explained to me that he really disliked that diagnosis and that these individuals have typically experienced childhood traumas and abuse and that they are actually very "treatable" with the right therapy as he has treated them and saw how they were capable of making substancial progress.

shakespeare, when your therapist tells you that he doesn't see empathy in you, honestly, I really think he is observing apathy instead. What has saddened me is that I have seen others like you that suffer from getting to a point where they begin to "turn many negatives" inward and get "worse" instead of being allowed to actually "heal" with the right therapy.

You see your son and find him very interesting and pleasing and entertaining, you have talked about how the cats are interesting and entertaining as well. You "have" a sense of appreciation, but where you struggle is in "connecting to that emotionally" and being able to "embrace" it. Well, you never had that shown to you, or experienced it for yourself and instead you were "hurt". IMHO, that is a wound that leads to "apathy" because you are afraid of being rejected or hurt. Well, you certainly don't need to endure a label that can be "stigmatizing and punishing", how is that going to help you bridge that gap?

That is why I liked that article that was presented about therapists needing to be very empathetic with patients that may be expressing some NPD traits or BPD traits. My advice is not to bother connecting with that group that is lead by that know it all psychologist because from what you have discribed of her, she is way too on the defensive and threatening people with "I have a pad to write you up on", is not something that is going to prove productive to someone like you.

The kind of group that would help you is one that is lead by a Mandela like persona that has a true gift for "including" everyone. Well, that is hard to find these days.

OE