Quote:
Originally Posted by StbGuy
Hi Verity, thanks for posting. No, luckily, very luckily, I don't think that when I see a girl in the street, thank goodness! No, I think only positive things when I see girls, how pretty they are and how much I would like to have love and a relationship in my life (not necessarily with the girl I'm seeing). I can't stand seeing things like rape on the telly or on the news, it hurts me very much. No, it's not that I'm having a problem with, I'm not having evil thoughts about girls. I have no thoughts of hurting girls or any bad thoughts whatsoever that I'm trying to repress or squash or something like that. I genuinely love girls too much to ever hurt them, and I really really mean that. I'm sorry if it wasn't too clear from my previous post (I was very emotional), but I want to say I don't have such thoughts, thank goodness!
The problem I'm having is when I begin to interact with girls, or when I have to interact with them for some reason, or even just look at them. It's then when out of the blue I begin to feel like some pervert or like a dirty old rapist guy, I really don't know why. I feel disgusting around women and I feel as though I'm violating them simply talking to them. When a girl touches me and I have to touch her back (say a hug for example) it gets really bad and it feels almost like I've just raped her or done something really bad I shouldn't have. In my mind I'm also convinced that she feels sick and disgusted and cringes just by the mere thought of me perhaps touching her. I can't even say hi or smile at a girl without me feeling like I'm paying her inappropriate attention or I've violated her somehow. My mind is so messed up  . |
That feeling of 'feeling like a pervert or rapist' isn't justified. What I'm guessing you are feeling is unjustified guilt, shame and fear? Therefore in order to lessen that feeling you could do what causes it again and again, hence interact more with women. If you find you are avoiding interacting with a girl then try your best (and it's not easy) to not avoid. The theory is the more you do something the more habituated you get to it and the feelings lessen. You could start off by noticing if you avoid women at checkouts, and purposefully join the line with the female cashier even if a male is available.
You already know you are not a pervert so you have the evidence to also challenge that. Thinking 'I bet she is feeling creeped out by me' is again your opinion but not necessarily hers. It's also a thought and not fact so notice it and let it pass as best you can. Has anyone ever said to you that you are creepy or disgusting? I'm wondering if this has been sparked off by an incident in your past? Even if someone did say that, again it's not necessarily true.