I am VERY reluctant to post this at this time and probably should take my own advice, when in doubt dont....... but at the same time I feel Jenn really needs to know that she is NOT at fault for HIS actions.....

So if this post should be pulled or moved please do so without incident of casting over Jenns need of support........

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sabau2 said:
I don't understand cheating either. If the one's who cheated put as much effort into their marriages/relationships as they do into their cheating, then there wouldn't be any problems and they wouldn't be cheating!

Just my take on it....however skewed it may be.

Hugssssss
J

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<font color="purple"> I agree and I was going to post this in another thread but ..........

Many people who have cheated project their guilt and blame unto the BS (betrayed spouse) , I cannot stress enough that that is in itself the cheaters self denial..... Here are some excerpts from old posts of mine from another message board ......

..........." As someone who was the cheater I have to say, I cheated b/c of my own weakness, my own faults, my own selfishness, my own insecurities, and my own unwillingness to communicate and face my responsibilities...basically I was a complete coward and ran....Does that mean my husband was not responsible for his own contributions to our marriage and what issues we had as a couple, no not at all....BUT He sure as heck was not to blame for my affair. The affair was something I chose to do. He had no say in it. I was the one who searched elsewhere, I was the one that turned my back on us, I was the one who lied and snuck around, and manipulated, and schemed, and so on.... It was a choice I made, not him. He is not responsible for MY actions, I AM responsible for MY actions........."

.......I chose to not confront my issues, my concerns, to not communicate with my husband how I was feeling because I didn't want to deal with it and instead I chose to be selfish and seek what I thought I needed in another........But had I done exactly what sabau2 stated and put that energy into my marriage than I would like to think that I would not have cheated.... "

Question that someone asked me :

How come cheaters don't want to use protection??? Is it because they are uncaring, selfish, hurtful jerks who don't care about anyone or anything besides themselves? .........

My response:

I dont think it is so much that we dont/didnt want to use protection but more an immature thinking that, "ahhh nothing is going to happen" as if we were/are invinciable or something. It is part of the fantasy of an affair. We/them dont think much beyond ourselves at the time of contact...Yes selfish, immature, uncaring, irresponsible idiots we/they are...Before I had any kind of actual physical sexual relations with my Xom, we had dicussed in detail about using precautions for 2 reasons....1- I was not on any kind of Birth control...2- I was aware of his sexual history (many partners both male and female, both single and married) so even tho he said he was clean I didnt know for sure...He was someone from online BTW...Anyway even with those detailed dicussions and very real reasons as to why protection should be used, we still DID NOT use anything at all...I was very very stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It wasnt until after the fact that I relaized just what risks I had taken and after dday i went for tests, thankfully all were negative....................

My intention is not to hijack this thread as it is very important that we continue supporting Jenn and sending her our love, prayers and best wishes during this heartbreaking time.....

My intention is to offer to Jenn a personal example of the mindset......... That mindset can be changed though which is the good news! Unfortunatley it takes time.... It took me yrs and how my hubby was able to love me thru it and stay is amazing to me and I very blessed that he loved me when I didnt..... Surviving doesnt always mean staying together but it doesnt have to mean breaking up either..... Jenn is still in the very raw moments of learning the truths and sorting the jumble of emotions that one endures....

There si so much I want o say but Jenn is too fresh to hear it now...... I just want to say that marriages can survive and even become stronger..... There is hope....

(((((((((((((((((((((jenn))))))))))))))))))) please I hope you can feel my sincere concern and care for you ....... </font>