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My suggestion is to consider going to AA/NA. I was a mess. Bonefide alcoholic. Been sober for over 25 years now. AA helped me get sober and stay sober. Plus meetings are free! Just read your drug list. Sounds like you're in way over your head. Believe it. Drugs and alcohol kill.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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