So, my husband about yelled at me over the phone to tell me I need to get up and do something. I have been feeling agitated and anxious for some time. The anxiety has me glued to the couch: I am afraid of taking care of my kids, cleaning my house, messing up, living, anything to do with responsibility. I have lots of anxiety usually, but not like this, nothing like this. The agitation is miserable because I have all this pent up aggravated energy that makes me want to self harm, all the time I will have flashes of self harm or really intense visions of suicide. The mix of agitation and anxiety is from hell. Anyway, when my husband came home I told him he hadn't been harsh on the phone; he'd actually been mean. He said it's because he can only hear about it so much before it is overloading. He is right. I do tend to talk about my problems too much when I am feeling off. I always have done that and I don't enjoy being a burden. Well, right now I need to keep talking because I really feel suicidal. I have had the thoughts more passively for the last couple of weeks but now they are becoming more intense and harder to deny. I feel like if I had a terminal physical illness this would be the time to roll over and give up. I simply cannot go inpatient right now so what do I do to stay safe and alive?