Why can't you go impatient? I would get to a hospital asap..do you have a pdoc you can see soon if you won't go? I'm so sorry yr struggling so much. It seems that the hospital is yr only option right now. I mean I have skills I can tell you about like four square breathing. Take in a deep breath and hold for four seconds. Then exhale and hold for another four seconds. Repeat that four times while outlining a square in yr mind while ur doing it. Since you are so suicidal I think you need to get to a professional right away