I'm feeling very scared of the future. I'm becoming stable and I've just becomes customer to the way I've been all these years. I don't even remember who I was before this disorder really set in. now it seems that girl is coming back and that scares me. I've held onto friendships that probably aren't the healthiest for me because I lose friends so easily. Now I know I probably need to get rid of them if they don't accept me now and that still hurts. these are the biggest reasons that I've avoided full treatment over the past 10 years.