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Originally Posted by secretwhisper
Really don't know what is wrong with me. I don't feel that bad and yet I'm getting all these damn self destructive thoughts and urges back again. It's got back to the stage where it is dangerous for me to leave work with a clear desk, because if I do then it means I won't be leaving anyone in the lurch if I were to do something and therefore I give myself 'permission'.
I felt far worse than this in the not so distant past and I have no idea why I'm getting these urges now. And I don't know why they are so strong. And I'm not really sure what to do with them...just trying to ignore them....
Last night I ended up drinking a lot of vodka, and did a tiny bit of self harm...was just scratches though really, didn't get what I wanted out of it. Would like to do a 'better' job of it today...
I don't really know what the point of this thread is...I'm just venting I think.
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Hi Secretwhisper: I'm so sorry to read you're struggling again. I probably don't have much to offer either. I do wonder if, perhaps, you're feeling some increased stress at work & it is manifesting itself as self-destructive thoughts & urges.
I know that whenever I feel stressed about something, my self-destructive thoughts increase significantly. I have some fairly serious low back problems that flair up from time-to-time. And during times when my low back muscles have been strained to the point where I have difficulty walking & doing other normal everyday things my depression, anxiety & in particular my GID issues skyrocket.
Recently I've revived my old meditation & yoga practice in an effort to give me something to focus on other than my mental health issues. So far it seems to be helping. Is there anything you like to do that you could spend more time on & use to deflect your focus away from self-destructive thoughts & urges?
Under any circumstances, please keep yourself safe. And keep posting here on PC.
