Thank you for the replies. Yes, I agree I need to stay sober. I tried a few AA meetings on my own. I didn't find them helpful so I quit. I didn't really give them a chance either, I guess.

I feel like I can't be totally honest and get the proper help because of my job. I am a healthcare professional. I once saw a coworker check himself into rehab on his own and the state boards promptly suspended his license. I have never been impaired at work. However I am required to report any kind of substance anise treatment to my state board. It makes me not want to seek help. They shouldn't punish people for trying to help themselves.