Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe
There could be lots of reasons including, rather peversely, getting better. There is a lot of evidence that shows there is a high risk of harm during the recovery phase, probably because of the increased ability to motivate and carry a plan through to its conclusion rather than the "meh too much bother" apathy of a deeper depression.
Hormones were/are still a major trigger for me, now I get the more usual moody, tearful anger that is normally associated with PMS, but when I was younger (teens through until my mid 30s) I got into intensely suicidal rages.
Alcohol is a trigger for me, and avoiding alcohol has been one of the biggest breakthroughs I made in staying safe. Apart from one or two binges (lifestyle, self harm and experimentation) I never really drank that much anyway, but I realised that even one drink could make my mood plummet if I was vulnerable that day. I'm not tee total and sometimes have a drink even now but I don't enjoy it much.
Keeping a diary to identify patterns and triggers might help. Until then, try to keep distracted and find someone to talk to or just be with. Can you get your boss to change how your work is allocated so your tasks come in at the end of a working day ready for the next day? I totally relate to the clear desk thing. Back in March I cleared my desk for the first time in months. I sent out a report, logged out of the computer and the next day called in sick, I've not been back since then.
Take care.
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Thanks, they are all a lot of good suggestions. I've heard of the greater risk when you start to feel better and wondered if that was perhaps playing a part. But today I've been feeling low again all day so I'm just thinking it was a temporary lift in mood before and now I'm headed back down again. I'm used to this happening, it just isn't normally so short lived.
I never really noticed my hormones having an impact, but I'm so useless at tracking my periods anyway as they are not at all regular with the contraceptive I'm on. I'm gonna stop taking it in the next couple of days though so maybe I will notice something then, if there is anything to notice!
Yeah alcohol is a factor and I am so aware of this. But I don't care enough to do anything about it. It's one of my many terrible coping strategies along with the self harm. When I start getting the urges to go on my self destruct path alcohol is the first thing, and then the more I drink the worse I will feel, so then I want to drink more...blah blah blah just a vicious cycle. But yeah, I just don't see myself changing it if I'm honest.
I suck at keeping diaries and tracking moods and stuff but I will try again. I always start and then give up again after just a couple of weeks or so. But I have some little goals to work towards to keep me safe hopefully. I'm not sure about talking to my manager about changing how the work is allocated, it is normally just as and when I finish a job I get the next one. And in between that I have other little things that I let build up and then do them all in one go. Talking to my manager is difficult as he is my ex's dad, and while it has been fine working with him I'm not thrilled on the idea of having to let him know that I'm crashing again knowing it will likely get back to my ex.
(hmm that was a bit of an essay!
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