I was recently in the hospital for a suicide attempt. While I was in there we identified what caused me to snap. In fact it was my brothers and sisters always dropping their kids off to me. Day in and day out I would be stuck babysitting their kids. The kids ranged anywhere from 3 years of age to 12. They didn't listen to me and would whine and cry when they didn't get what they wanted. It just came to the point where I have had enough and I wanted to end my life because of it. I've made attempts to put a stop to by telling my siblings I was busy or by just saying no and they still dropped the kids off.

When I left the hospital the doctors called my mom and told her that I absolutely cannot babysit anymore or I'll end up back where I started. So my mom went around and told them what the doctors said. Just a few days later my brother is asking me to watch his kid. A couple days after that I got stuck with my sisters kids for a week. During the time I had them I had such negative and bad thoughts I thought I was going crazy. I took the liberty of writing down some of the thoughts I was having and showed it to my therapist and he said its ok as long as I don't act on my thoughts. It was so hard for me not to.

I understand that acting on my thoughts is bad. It was so hard for me not go and just strangle those kids at times. How am I suppose to channel my anger and frustration into something else? Especially when I'm not suppose to babysitting anyway. They are not my kids I don't have to look after them that's what they parents for.