What an interesting thread! Late to the party but it's given me a chance to read the whole thing. The words I kept reading were 'no or low self esteem' 'people make me anxious' and 'I wish I could make friends but don't know how.'

I had many friends until I was diagnosed at 48. Sure, a lot of them were getting drunk and getting high friends, but some of them were real. There are four I regret losing so much, and learned later that letters were destoyed of thrown away.

It's different now. My home is filled with books and artwork and with many dragons and faeries and magical things. I like being here. I am not lonely because I spent 12 years somewhere equal to a POW experience. (N0 disrespect to my brothers in arms-I didn't say it, she did. And I got in a world of trouble for saying I wonder if I could break the window and then grab her before she got the door open.)

So I am not lonely. I have a few accquantices, some dear friends in here and a roommate who keeps forgetting what the word rent means.

Even after fourteen months I don't miss my husband (who ogligingly dropped dead at my feet.) But there are times I just miss being able to call someone and go to the movies, or the big health center or the thrift stores or the library. But I have things planned out and becoming social is one of them.

I also hope to make more friends here at PC.

I also suffer from low self esteem, anxity and PTSD, and of course, that ever present anger.

Please forgive the length of this post but I have one more thing to say that I believe is important. This is from a womans point of view but I have heard many men say the same things. As you are standing in line somewhere, or brousing through a store or doing anything that brings you out of your lair-there are people looking at you. If you think you are plain or imperfect in some way-it does not make you invisable to the opposite sex. I've known many men others would consider plain, but I saw something special about them. Sometimes it takes great courge to look up and meet someone's eyes when you know they are looking at you. And sometimes, all you have to do is smile.