I registered here just to make a thread a couple of months ago and never got back. I found your thread on google by pure accident yesterday and I had to search my ID and password (which I forgot) just to log in and comment here.

Anyways, back to the topic. I know what you are feeling. In fact I think I perfectly know what you are feeling.

I've experienced Exactly what you commented on your first post with a very similar thing. If you want to know how I feel identified with your problem and how I solved it, read this below (It seems that there's no spoiler command but I will try anyways, or just read what's between [spoiler ] and [/spoiler] in case it doesn't work):

[spoiler]I've had problems with my memory when I was younger, it's kind of hard to explain, but easy at the same time.
The thing was this: when I was around 15 years old (I'm 22 now) I started realizing that I had some kind of "fake memories". I remembered places and a person that never existed. My memories on these things are not lucid, but they are strong. That "person" and places of my memories are important for me somehow. In my childhood I've always been alone and kind of depressed, I've been verbally bullied too always, so I think I found refuge into these memories, because it was the only place in where I had a friend. But as I said, when I was about 14-15 years old, I started to realize that these memories were just inventions of my mind, and that was the thing that triggered a huuuuge depression on me that lasted 5 years. I failed at school so bad because of it, I didn't care about anything else; I've had many problems with my sleep too, all exactly the same as what you said in your post. Constant depression, the need to sleep as much as I can to not be awake and suffering for something that doesn't exist. I never told anyone about it because I just didn't know how to explain it. Most people would find it ilogical, I guessed they wouldn't understand, so I kept it to myself for all those years. I used to think about suicide so many times too. The worst thing is that I started memorizing the final times I've been with this "person", and it was all about a lost, abandon, sad moments, no words, just sadness.

When I was 18 years old, I watched a show called "Kanon 2006". It's a dramatic but also cheesy (in anime terms) anime. The protagonist experiences things that were pretty similar (undefinied memories and a special person from the past that he can't remember). That show made me cry like a baby and made me feel even worse because of this character called "Makoto".

I didn't tell anyone this, but one moment I was amost decided to kill myself, but at that moment, I had something that to this day I can't explain to myself.... I had something like a "click" that made me laugh at myself, everything changed. I started feeling proud of that, not sad. I thanked this "unexisting person" for existing into my mind and helped me to be a better person, because that's what actually matters. For the first time in 5 years, I felt happy, so happy that I started smiling like a dumb everytime, in my home, walking on the street, I didn't care about anything else.

I discovered MLP in 2012, 1 year after I overcame my depression, and I found this character (Fluttershy), and just loved her, because it's just like that "person" in my "memories". She kind of represents this personality in my "memories", but I've never felt bad nor sad about it, because I'm no longer depressed about it. I just like the character, it's cute and reminds me of that, it actually makes me happy, not sad like that other show (Kanon 2006). So, I don't have this problem you are having with Fluttershy, but as you can see, I assume I perfectly understand what you are feeling anyways.

Also, you got to remember that people like FS actually exist, just that they are humans, it doesn't matter at all, since what makes us different is our personalities, and EVERY fictional characted is based on REAL personalities. Without reality there couldn't be fiction. There are people with any personality you can imagine out there, in case this makes you feel any better.[/spoiler]



Now, about your problem with F14ace. I know that what he said was just dumb, but you shouldn't pay much attention to these things. There are lot of people who hate the show without any good reason, and some people just dislike Fluttershy because they don't feel identified with her, it's normal. People like things when they feel identified with them. We don't choose what to like and dislike, we can't. Our tastes are based on our experiences in our lifes, even from our veeeery tiny and smallest experiences. Every single experience in our lifes make us be what we are.

I know many people who dislike FS into the fandom, but I don't care, because they just can't feel what I feel; the same way I can't feel what they feel, so it's okay, we should learn to tolerate our differences. Cursing is always unnecessary in my opinion, mainly when we talk about tastes, so yes, it may be hurtful sometimes, but then again... maduration is understanding why the other people are cursing instead of insulting them back, no matter how we differ from their point of view.

I know you already replied him and all, but it's okay, eeeeeveryone goes throught those experiences. I've been into that too, believe me it's Pretty normal, specially when you are 15 years old, the age in which one usually starts questioning things and being more emotional, so don't feel so bad about it, it's part of our experiences.

Remember this, our mistakes are never the worst possible thing; the worst thing is not learning from our mistakes, because there will always be mistakes.


About explaining this to psychologists and relatives, I will leave it by your own. As I said, I couldn't tell anyone my problem because I was veeeeeeeeery introverted and I had a very low self-esteem as you are having now, but if you feel okay, you can explain it. I would not explain it to anyone tho, only Very trustful people, like professional psychologists/psychiatrists or a very close relative or friend, because mistrusted people can just take that information you give to hurt you even more. Well, that's what I think, I actually don't know, I may be being a little paranoid, you will know it better by your own experience.

I repeat just in case you want, you can add me on skype or steam if you want, in that case just ask for my ID on a private message and we can chat, only if you want, it's just that I personally find conversations more fluent through chats over posts, but it's your thread so you decide. (If what I said is enough you can just ignore this). I just feel like I want to help you because I feel identified with your problem.