Hi flours,
Firstly......."sorry for attention-seeking panicky posts all the time… "
No need whatsoever for an apology, if you're hurting.......looking for understanding/help/support that is not "attention seeking" as far as I'm concerned. It's real for you, then it's real and it matters!!!

Anyway, glad you got some sleep
And you know for now, you can concentrate on the present. In fact it's probably going to be a much better time to think about the future when you're beginning to feel better. Thar's probably when you're going to be able to make better choices for you/yourself.
And as for delaying decisions well........what's the rush?? People 30...40....45.....older (!!) can still make life changing decisions/moves e.g. going back to college, starting new careers, starting a family............so plenty of time yet, hey?
And the task you have to do............do you really have to do it? Do you have to do it so soon? Or is there anyone who can help you with it?
Then maybe at least the physical aspect could help a little with how you're feeling?? Try to take it at your own pace though.
And........."why can I not at least then be one of these pretty girls who always get help by men if they have to carry heavy stuff???", that would kind of have it's disadvantages as well, don't you think???
And that's not agreeing with you if you're thinking you're not pretty!! "Look's" can be very subjective!!



Alison