I have a serious issue that I need to address. I don't have time in 45 minute sessions to work on this topic with my therapist, and online guides / tips don't rub off on me. It makes everything seem so easy when it's not!

I can't get organized for the life of me! And I'm procrastinating my life away
My memory is getting worse over the years due to cptsd & other MI's, and it's messing with my ability to set and complete goals, such as getting organized / cleaning my room, making steps towards better self care etc. My memory is actually so bad that I can forget about certain people's existence until a memory pops up randomly (something that plays a part in this is that I have no true friends where I live, and the ones I do have are back in the state I used to live in, or are online. so it's kinda "out of sight, out of mind"), I have trouble remembering what I ate the day before, what day it is, if I just said something out loud or if I thought it, etc.

• I can make to-do lists and immediately forget about them. Even if I put them somewhere I can see it, I'll see it but I won't notice it and form the connection that "oh! I have to do these things today!"

• Even if I do notice the to-do list, a lot of the times I'll think "I don't want to do this right now, I'll do it later", or I won't have the spoons to do it.

• my to-do lists pile up and I have a ton of them hidden under papers, 90% of them I haven't even crossed one item off of it!

• I have papers all over the place (on my desk next to this computer, on the table with my plants next to my desk, on a TV tray, and in two stackable containers in my bookshelf) and two mostly empty binders and dividers to put them in. But I cannot get the willpower to put the papers where they belong.

A few things that play into my procrastinating & not being able to get organized are:

• My mindset and whether I'm ready to cope with looking through my things to see what needs to be thrown away.
  I am poor, but it was worse growing up, and I keep a lot of things I don't need "just in case". ★★ It's been observed that hoarders are more likely to be in the poor demographic, because when you don't have a lot of money, you keep more things than the average person in case it can be of use later.

• The amount of different colors in the room affects me (the more colors the easier I get upset / unable to focus, etc). My room is really colorful with the amount of things I have in here. I'm an artist (not currently creating because I can't do it in a messy room!) so I have a shelf of supplies, and my paintings are very colorful. ★ I just took them down, though, so I can put them up when my room is organized

• I read somewhere that procrastination is a form of self-defense when you're a perfectionist and are afraid of the outcome you create. That's definitely part of my issue.

• I end up looking through my things instead of actually organizing and throwing unneeded things away. If I find something that's related to a painful experience of mine in any way, I automatically want to stop organizing.

There are certain things I procrastinate more than others, and that's things related to self-care. I also put off making therapy and doctors appointments for a few reasons, and I put off attempting to make certain baby steps towards being an independent young adult. I procrastinate contacting my friends back (due to social anxiety) so badly that sometimes it can be a few months before I contact them, and a lot of the time I simply forget.
It's been 3 ½ years since I dropped out of high school and got a GED, I don't have a job or go to college, and though it's not within my ability to right now anyway, I put off looking into what type of college it would need to be, and I put off taking the steps towards working up to getting a job (i.e. working on anxiety and paranoia in public).
My aunt also gave me an idea to make my own money so I can leave my toxic household, which is to write and illustrate children's stories. I loved the idea and want to do it, but like a lot of my hobbies, I procrastinate them. I have ideas for stories but I procrastinate writing them so badly that in 2 years of wanting to write a book, I've only written a terrible short story. I procrastinate making art even if I have the space and ideas. This all makes my free time quite unfulfilling.


My goals right now are to get my room organized and to get better with not procrastinating, small tasks first. If anyone has any tips that have worked for them, I'd love to hear what you have to say! If you're like me and you have some similar issues, feel free to talk about it.
I'm going to try to update in this thread- if I don't forget about it, that is.