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dalila · Apr 19, 2007, 04:05 AM

<font color="green">Thank you mouse, -zh, -sky, secret garden, sidony and withit your encouragement means a lot to me. Sadly I am not worth it – since I have fought so hard to stop making myself bleed I found that little pinches on my arm work nearly as well for me. I just posted about that in the SI forum.

I, my therapist did not do anything nor did she say anything that made me angry. We had a disconnect during our session before last and she was defending my mother. I got frustrated but couldn’t express it cos I was so close to reaching that buried volcano of rage. Afterwards I went down the stairs yelling at her in my head – ‘stop defending her.’ I suppose that is anger but I couldn’t express it anywhere but inside my head.
I spent the next two weeks back in flashback land.

My therapist has told me several times that she can handle my anger – but I can’t. She has said that she is not going anywhere and will not abandon me. I am trying sooooo hard to believe in that. I can’t seem to escape the panics so it another ativan for me tonight.

Again thank y’all so much – your words do help. I am just so far down in this whirlpool and spinning so fast I don’t know how to stop.
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