So, I've been fantasizing my death a lot. Borderline obsession. I enjoy watching about it- it gives me relief. I'm constantly thinking about it. Today, I was at the beach,& I saw a train a little bit away. I just stopped,& starting thinking about just jumping in front,& ending my life. Suddenly, I was happy,& had huge sense of relief. I had dream about suicide,& then I literally obsessesed with the dream,& fanatized,& thought about for awhile.

It's consuming, but totally comforting. It can calm me down.

I imagine my death. What it'd like. What people would do. How'd they feel.

I've researching too. Looking at methods... What's the bedroom. And just looking at suicide in