If this isn't the right area for this post, please relocate with forgiveness.

I haven't posted here in a long while, and perhaps that's a good indicator, I don't know. When I last posted here it was a long, justifiably whining bit about not having any money, poor access to mental health care and so on - rather a repetitious wave in my life.

Well, life is funny - and you all know I mean not funny ha ha, but funny ironic and funny so sad you gotta laugh. So I thought that leaving those circumstances for something "completely different" would be the best thing. What's that? You already know where this is going? Probably so. You've tried to see if the grass was greener and it wasn't? Same here.

I left Ohio to move in with a long-time friend I'd known from online for over 15 years. This was a woman I'd talked to for hours on the phone. She knew all my woes and complaints, and she being a "good Christian" woman, offered me an escape. Well.... Omg, shaking my head... 2 minutes before we pulled in the driveway, she says that her kitchen is not exactly useable and goes on to explain that the homeowner (she's subletting) is/was a hoarder.. (what?!) and that there are 2 years worth of dirty dishes and filth on the kitchen counter. Now... if the homeowner left it that way, that's one horrible thing. That my friend LIVED THERE FOR 2 YEARS in it?

Well me, being opposite almost OCD clean, cleaned the damn kitchen head to toe. There were boxes that had cat pee in them, bugs, and that sort of gunk that you don't know -what- it is, right? But I cleaned it. But you see, the rest of the house is just as bad really. Clutter everywhere, and my friend admits "Lazy is my middle name" - and so is oblivious. In an Arkansas summer, we discovered the AC is broken. Do you think she's even called for a free repair estimate? Nope. She's gone from 8am-11pm most every day so why should she care? Did I mention she's got 6 cats ... and not knowing that ---- I brought MY cat here, omg. So yeah, I keep my girl's box clean and only she uses it. The other pans however, you can imagine.

ANYWAY.......

9 months I've been here. 9 long months of filth, cat hair and cat mess, odor, clutter, no privacy, sleeping on the floor....

And The Universe grants a reprieve. I'm moving the hell out of here, and getting my Yankee heat-loathing butt BACK TO CLEVELAND OHIO at the beginning of September. I've missed Cleveland every day for over 2 years and I can't wait. I'm counting down the days.

I really think I'm not even going to say goodbye to my "friend" - I've already told her how disgusted I am to even be here, so she knows I'd have left the day I arrived if I'd had the means. I believe our friendship is over due to all of this, and I have no sorrow over that fact.

The bottom line is... I need to learn how to manage that panicked, crisis-point feeling instead of thinking that fleeing is the right method. I've seen so many times that it isn't, so why can't that lesson sink in?