Mouse, I instantly thought of when your T goes away and you have trouble remembering her. If you "have a good time" while T is on vacation. . . (or when you're out "on vacation" from thinking about therapy and your difficulties).

I always had trouble with that; my T would ask me if I couldn't think of her having a good time being on vacation and relaxing/enjoying herself and that would make me feel worse because I didn't think of her at all.

There's an old, "sick" button/bumper sticker I like, "Don't tell me what kind of day to have!" (Have a nice day!) that reminds me of how much "effort" I put into being a certain way, no matter how I'm actually feeling. It is often so much easier to go with what is familiar to me (not having a good time at parties) than to look and see if there isn't some other way to experience them. When this is pointed out by others, "maybe you'll have a good time" that infuriates me because if it's true and I end up having a good time, that means someone else seems to know me better than I do myself and might be pulling my strings and it means I'm working too hard at not having a good time, not something I want to think/feel about myself?