I'm 16 and have been depressed for a while. I began seeing a therapist almost two years ago, and I've been on medication for a little over a year. My parents have been separated for a long time, but recently got divorced. Both my siblings (who I am very close with) are in college. I am a very antisocial person, but I have a few good friends. Most of the time, I don't want to hang out with them though. I feel so alone. I'm close with my parents, but I don't think they understand my feelings, so I push them away. I hate myself. I think of myself as a horrible person for pushing people who love me away. I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Some days are good. I feel happy and energetic and positive. But other days, I have no motivation or energy and I don't want to do anything. I just sink into this dark hole and don't have the energy to get out, so I let myself go further and further. I'm not suicidal, but I do cut sometimes. I believe that I am a smart person and have a bright future, but it's the "now" that is the hardest. I feel so guilty for being sad, which makes me hate myself even more. Sometimes I wish I could just be in the hospital. Is that bad? I don't have the will to take care of myself anymore. I just need help but I don't know how to get it.

Sorry for the long post, I just had to get my feelings out there. Thanks for reading.