OCD is why. Bad experience after bad experience and feeling toxic shame because things aren't perfect is why I am the way I am. It seems for me to actually be taken serious some super serious hardcore event is supposed to have afflicted me in some way. Which is a joke and shows how little some people know. I'm not going to conjure up some story about myself so that people will take my problems seriously. No I am this way because I take everyday events badly because I have no idea why I do that. Early events shaped a piece in my brain to take things a certain way and thus overall formed my brain to be afraid of socializing period.

I don't expect people to be kind but others shouldn't expect me to be nice towards them if this is the case. Only people I am depending on at this point is my parents and you're right that probably isn't good. Though I expect what I expect out of myself. I am just shooting in the air with this response because I don't really have an expectations out of people but to be understanding. Which isn't really the case with most people. People's emotions confuse me and seem fake/unreal. I feel I can say anything I want to people because everything isn't real and it's just one big show. If I ever managed to no longer feel the anxiety with real people I would get the problem of saying anything I thought about others and then I would get a lot of bad reactions and eventually force myself back into isolation.

Though I am just shooting in the air because I am not quite sure what you mean if I am honest. IT just feels like people shooting in the air and hoping they understood what one another meant.