I've had my appointment this morning and after a short discussion T said is there anything else you want to talk about today so I thought this is my cue to talk about this transference issue. I started by giving a bit of an intro to how i'd met this person and how they make me feel positive but then I said I didn't want to talk too much about her and then she tried to get out of me who it was... at this point I just couldn't say any more so I took some bits of paper out of my bag (I'd took some snippets out of a journal I've been keeping) and gave her it to read instead.
It felt like it took her ages to read it and she looked almost sad reading it. I started thinking to myself, what am I doing, sharing my innermost thoughts and putting myself through this.
Anyway after all the awkwardness we talked again about the whole reason I attend therapy and relating it to what I had written on the journal pages and she said its child Kate writing this and comes from the yearning I had for things that I didn't get from my mother and that I only feel ashamed or embarrassed by it because I'm reading it back through adult eyes. It makes sense and I *think* i'm glad to have got it out but I still wish i'd told the person that is the object of my transference. Although if I struggled to tell my therapist, how I would have ever managed to tell her I don't know!