Hang in there until you can find a therapist. I really think it will help you deal with your anxiety and panic attacks. You are traumatized. Your boyfriend broke your trust. You put your faith and trust into him, he said he'd stop doing those behaviors that hurt you, and he did them again. No wonder you are paranoid. I would be, too. And angry! Trust is VERY difficult to get back once it is broken. Your panic attack might be a way for your brain to deal with all this emotion and betrayal. Tell him about the panic attack. Tell him how you feel. He needs to know. I really hope you can get some help dealing with this. It is a lot to deal with.