Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
I read the door slamming post also. I dont think its about the money. It might be easier for you to focus on the money, or to switch ts, but i think that just postpones solving the pain, solving the real issue.
Your other thread reminds me of me and my t a lot, like when he says he WANTS to buy me a birthday present (but never actually does) or when he offered to give me a ride home from the hospital - i refused it, but he emphasized how he WANTED to give me a ride. Its hard for me to accept even his saying that.
A gf texted me yesterday (i wrote about it somewheres on pc) just asking how i was feeling, and it gave me a minor panic attack. I am not used to people caring about me; I am used to people demanding something from me. I feel like i am moving in slow motion with her. I cant reason myself out of my panic attack. All i could do was be honest and non-accusatory with her. I think that is all your t is asking of you - as parents nowadays tell their little kids, "Use your words!" - that just gets to me, for some reason. But that IS exactly what we are trying to do in t - put words to feelings hitherto undescribed and therefore unprocessed, unintegrated. 
Eta - it doesnt make sense to have bad feelings about somebody trying to be nice to us. But we do. We can say its the other persons fault, but this is getting to be one big effing coincidence that we ALL have this problem! KWIM? |
Hankster, your post here resonated with me in ways I can't put into words. Could you say more and drill down into your experiences of similar??
I had been talking about feeling cornered and pushed into telling a friend something about sexual assault a few days ago. The friend was not doing anything out of badness, and in days gone by we talked with vivid candour, but things have changed (hardly ever see each other) and she was relentlessly questioning me about my sex life and I ended up telling her to make her understand why I'm not sexually active at the moment. And it was...fine, I felt pretty exposed, but ultimately ok at telling this person, and it got to the point where I knew if I lied and made up a different excuse I would feel disturbed and awful after she'd gone home.
I said to my therapist I felt cornered by this friend, and she kind of said I set my friend up to fail - that if she didn't take an interest in me, I'd be mad, and then when she did take an interest, I felt cornered so wasn't happy either. And then she said her bit about escorting me to the dentist and lo and behold a few days later, I was trying to say how I felt which was that I am sad I'm not important to anyone, which she interpreted as me saying she doesn't care at all. So I set her up to fail too, and myself.