Precaryous, I read some more articles by medical ethicists dealing specifically with organ transplants. The general consensus is that a history of mental illness should not disqualify someone who has shown they can take care of themselves well enough to give the transplant a chance of success.

Seeing that you have been able to stay out of the hospital, you've proven that you can do it.

It would probably be good to start looking around at your support system, anyone who can and will help you, from your therapist to family to friends to paid care-givers, even to a record of ongoing participation, emotional support and friendship through PsychCentral. It's the sort of thing that shows you are not totally isolated or unable to relate to other people, which is an important element in enhancing one's life experience. They are going to want to know if you will have anyone to help you in the days, weeks and maybe months immediately after a major medical procedure. Again, it's all about making sure it has a chance of success.

The thing about having trouble falling asleep after being told about the possibility of sudden cardiac death. Ah, god. Been there, done that. Ugh. All I can say is that in time I was able to accept the idea of taking it one day at a time and knowing there are no guarantees of anything. In time, I was able to stop thinking about it. I wondered last night if I'd think about and not be able to sleep, but I did sleep. Just fine.

The main reason I came here to PsychCentral is that I have developed a disturbed sleep pattern and I wondered if I could get some help with it. I'm pretty sure it started with the fear of going to sleep. I don't have that fear any longer, but I do have wicked insomnia at times and other sleep troubles. Nothing ruinous, just inconvenient.

I try to practice some sort of partial denial. Okay, I understand that people with my disorder have this thing called sudden unexplained death, that it's probably related to heart rhythm going wrong and blood pressure suddenly dropping. It often happens while a person is sleeping. It happened to my friend. Ugh.

So, partial denial is me doing everything I can to stay healthy, including monitor heartbeat and BP several times a day, taking meds to directly effect heart rhythm and rate, keeping a good relationship with my doctor and then letting it go, telling myself it's not going to happen to me, not today. Today I'm okay. And each day stacks upon the other days and life goes on without thinking about it much except to rejoice in the fact that Today I'm Okay. Even when I feel really crummy, which happens sometimes. I check it out to make sure it's not a dangerous crummy and then go on with the idea that Today I'm Okay.

All I can say is partial denial works for me. Because I know it could happen, I do all I can to prevent it, in accordance with medical guidance. But just because it could, it doesn't mean it will, so ... just for today ... I'm not going to worry about it. Partial denial, the kind that only denies the stuff I have no control over while I'm doing all the things I can do, did not come easy. It took practice to get the hang of it. But right now, I love it. It makes life a lot brighter.

I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone, but it brings me peace.

Take Care.