I second Tao. As bad as your mother feels, only she herself can bear the pain. No one else can feel it for her, or "take her place". I know this from experience. You can only do the best that you can, to some that may feel inadequate, but people feel inadequate when faced with stuff like this and they may say the wrong thing.

I've read some of my own posts to Doug. What do you say to something like that? Nothing at all apparently and that's the reply I get: nothing. It may look like he doesn't care, but maybe he does and doesn't want to put his foot in his mouth. (I vote for option #2, I sleep better at night believing he cares and doesn't know what to say.)

I've had to accept this and move on. It still makes bearing pain a lonely experience. But when the time comes when they operate on your mother, they will be operating on her and not on you. Because you do want to take your mother's place, I bet and you can't do that, plus you live 5 hours away.

Doug's lucky. When I'm suffering and lonely, he can send a saint to visit me. I know that sounds silly, but thank God for my faith or I'd be in real sorry shape and Doug would be pounding the walls right now, feeling helpless. Because Doug can't see me either; he's 600 km away. What else can he do for me, other than keep the lines of communication open?

He can send a saint.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.