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bellaviolet said:
... when i was between ages 12 and 13 ther were 3 different adult men who kissed me in a way they shouldn't have. i asked him why once but he wouldnt talk to me about it.

what i wonder is, was it? was i making a big deal out of nothing? or maybe it was my own fault somehow? i didn't like it at all.... if i didnt do something to encourage it? i can't think of anything i did but its been 20 years now. is it stupid that i still even think about this stuff? i'm sorry i just can't figure it out. can anyone help me??

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Hi bellaviolet, from what you expressed here, you surely felt very violated. Those adult men had no right whatsoever to do what they did. There are no excuses for them. And it's very sad that your father wasn't willing to discuss it with you. You definitely are not stupid for thinking about these events because obviously they still bother you. Just because they occurred twenty years ago doesn't make the hurt you feel any less.

I hope you'll eventually sort through this. Keep safe.