I am now listening to Love Songs with David Sanborn but I think I also have some good kid picker uppers... got some Global lullabies.... that might be soothing. Thanks for your thoughtfulness.

I have an IM friend who wishes to visit from way away... just dropped it on me though I do love her to death. Freaked me.. that is in my inner space. Awck. He does state today as we know my parents have both kept me at a distance for my life. He says I will never let her come visit. I say ... why are we here then... ? He says I do not know. I asked him if he was daring me.. to have her visit.

It is not that I do not wish her to come and bet she will...sigh... overwhelming to me. Funny that...

Him telling me I never will and he knows it ... well could be pushing the ticket. I stress. I am trying. I just have been doing this a long time... and sad as it seems and as difficult as it is to admit... I do not know what I would do if I was dropped.

He is seeing me weekly though for a few weeks which is more often but... what the heck am I thinking? Now I have another whole week to wait.

And my friend ... I am crying...at work... quite abundantly. It is the other side of the coin...

My major goal in life is to not be alone for the rest of my life and these are difficult times ... so this visit from my friend is just representative of how I can handle the future.

No... therapy is not always fun.