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Originally Posted by hopeless_guy
Thank you kaliope for taking the time to respond back to my post. It has been hard and a long battle for me since I was growing up as a kid. I am 25 years old now and have been doing all sorts of therapy since I was just a kid on and off. Talk therapy seems to have been the worst because all they do is talk about your problems and it never really addresses how to fix the issues you have dealt with in your life.
My therapist is not offering much of explanation at this time because as far as she is concerned therapy is working but probably taking time to unveil itself to me with results. She told me that the way this works is generally she gives a person 3 months when they start doing the emdr and if by then the person has not seen any results or the results are too little then she will re-evaluate me to see where I am at and if emdr is really the best approach for my situation and if it is then she will try once more but perhaps a different approach to emdr.
She told me that sometimes these things take time but in one month of doing this I would like to think I could have at least a starting point of change but it gets so frustrating when I walk in the door to her office and leave exactly the same way I walked in. She wants me to remember the traumas and try to focus on them so I can recreate and feel the same exact traumatic emotions this way the emdr can help me process the trauma and help me to relax this trauma from my past.
The issue I have is that upon thinking of the traumas I don't actually manage to regain the trauma emotions I had at the time of the trauma because the only way for me personally to regain said emotions would be to go through the trauma all over again or have it happening to me. The thoughts of what happened alone are not enough to make me traumatized it's when I am faced with similar situations in public places with other people that I feel trauma if that makes sense. I thank you your kind response to me and for taking the time to read through this.
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Have you done enough preparation?? One of the initial phases (Phase 2) in EMDR psychotherapy involves "'preparing for memory processing"' or desensitization (memory processing or desensitization - phases 3-6 - is often what is referred to as "EMDR" which is actually an 8-phase, 3-pronged method of psychotherapy). In this phase resources are "front-loaded" so that you have a "floor" or "container" to help with processing the really hard stuff, as well as creating strategies if you're triggered in everyday life. In Phase 2 you learn a lot of great coping strategies and self-soothing techniques which you can use during EMDR processing or anytime you feel the need. So if you start feeling overwhelmed or that it's too intense, you can ground yourself (with your therapist's help in session, and on your own between sessions) and feel safe enough to continue the work.
Grounding exercises are indispensable in everyday life, and really essential in stressful times. The article below attempts to describe some of these exercises but falls disturbingly short. Anyone can use some of the techniques in Dr. Shapiro's new book "Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR."'Dr. Shapiro is the founder/creator of EMDR therapy but all the proceeds from the book go to two charities: the EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Program and the EMDR Research Foundation). Anyway, the book is terrific. It's an easy read, helps you understand what's "pushing" your feelings and behavior, helps you connect the dots from past experiences to current life. Also teaches readers lots of helpful techniques that can be used immediately and that are also used during EMDR therapy to calm disturbing thoughts and feelings.
One of the key assets of EMDR is that YOU, the client, are in control NOW, even though you likely were not during past events. You NEVER need re-live an experience or go into great detail, ever! You NEVER need to go through the entire memory. YOU can decide to keep the lights (or the alternating sounds and/or tactile pulsars, or the waving hand, or hand/knee tapping - all forms of bilateral stimulation that should be decided by the client for the client's comfort) going, or stop them, whichever helps titrate – measure and adjust the balance or “dose“ of the processing. During EMDR processing there are regular “breaks” and you can control when and how many but the therapist should be stopping the bilateral stimulation every 25-50 or so passes of the lights to ask you to take a deep breath and to say just a bit of what you’re noticing. The breaks help keep a “foot in the present” while you’re processing the past. Again, and I can’t say this enough, YOU ARE IN CHARGE so YOU can make the process tolerable. No therapy should go digging for repressed memories. Memories are "repressed" for good, protective reasons. Such memories might surface with enough preparation and when the timing is right.
Pacing and dosing are critically important. So if you ever feel that EMDR processing is too intense then it might be time to go back over all the resources that should be used both IN session and BETWEEN sessions. Your therapist can use a variety of techniques to make painful processing less painful, like suggesting you turn the scene in your mind to black and white, lower the volume, or, erect a bullet-proof glass wall between you and the painful scene, and so forth. There are a lot of these kinds of "interventions" that ease the processing. They are called "cognitive interweaves" that your therapist can use, and that also can help bring your adult self's perspective into the work (or even an imaginary Adult Perspective). Such interweaves are based around issues of Safety, Responsibility, and Choice. So therapist questions like "are you safe now?" or "who was responsible? and "do you have more choices now?" are all very helpful in moving the processing along.
In my practice, after the Phase 2 work lets us know that my patient is safe enough and able to cope with any emotion and/or physical sensation both during and between EMDR processing sessions, I often suggest we try a much less intense memory first if there is one that happened BEFORE the trauma(s). If there isn't one, then I suggest we start developmentally with the least disturbing memory and work our way "up" to the most disturbing event(s). Perhaps you can try starting with much less traumatic memories, any old memory that still carries some disturbance. If you can access this kind of memory, and the feelings and body sensations that go along with it, then you might have a successful session and slowly build up to the bigger issues! You said "it's when I am faced with similar situations in public places with other people that I feel trauma" and that does make sense. Once you do enough Phase 2 work, and then a few sessions with "small t" trauma (like a moment of embarrassment that still feels icky when you bring it up) you might target one of the current situations where you "feel" trauma. That might lead you back to the original trauma(s)...