I think everything we do in therapy tells the therapist something. If we don't look the therapist in the eye, it tells him we are uncomfortable with sharing, ashamed of something, feeling shy, upset, etc. Those things have value as a communication tool. I think the therapists get our messages. When we look up and into their eyes, it can mean, I'm ready to reveal, I'm more comfortable with talking to you now, I want to be your partner in this, etc. I think our eyes and body language tell them a lot. I think for those who want to look in their therapist's eyes and aren't able to, you will develop that ability if you want and when you are ready for a deeper, more overt connection.

As an aside, I'll mention one of these "unspoken communication" things. Yesterday I drove my 13 year old daughter to her counseling appointment. It is her 5th session with the counselor and she tells me nothing about what goes on in session. But I sense it is going well because her mood is more upbeat and she has been less withdrawn. Anyway, during our drive yesterday, she did not want to talk to me. I tried to engage her in conversation several times, but she kept pushing me away. She said to me "I don't want to hear your voice right now." Well, OK, I can take a hint! So I let up. I hadn't meant to badger her--I just get so little opportunity to talk with her. After therapy, for the first time she shared with me some of what went on. She told me, "for the first 10 minutes I just lay on the couch and didn't say anything." WHOA! I was actually really impressed she could do this in therapy. I've been seeing my T for 6 months and I have never once lain on the couch or let us sit in silence for 10 minutes. She was not feeling like talking and was not afraid to communicate that in session. The T gets the message without her having to say a word. (Maybe mom needs to listen better.)

Anyway, I think we communicate a lot to our T's with stuff like not looking them in the eye, sitting/lying in silence, etc.