Thread: Stuck
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Old Apr 19, 2007, 03:30 PM
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Thanks Canders. No, it wasn't nice of her but that's the way she is.
I've broken out with a cold fever rash on the side of my lower lip. That usually only happens when I'm stressed out.

I just don't want to live with regret and guilt. You know? Either I can spend one day cringing and grinding my teeth with the family or I can spend many years in remorse and regret for not just going to see my mother on her 70th birthday gathering.
The choice is clear. I have to prove to myself that I can do this. I won't let them intimidate me. I won't let them make me be the scapegoat or the nutcase. I will stand up for myself and I will be civil and I will not allow them to control my emotions. I will maintain a positive focus. I'll bring my ipod and listen to yoga music and do breathing exercises. I will look at them and watch how they behave and UNDERSTAND how I've become who I am because of thier influences. Yes, I can use it like a safari expedition where you stay a safe distance away from the wild animals and just watch them roaming about and you study them and take notes.
I can do this. I will do this. I must do this. I'm not a chicken sheet, I will not run away from them and hide like some smuck.
I will not make myself live in remorse and regret on their behalf. I have to bite the bullet and go.