Thank you healingme4me. No, I'm not financially trapped, no kids, no pets. My brain has me trapped. I can't find another explanation for it.
I've trapped myself.
He verbally berated me, and I didn't speak to him for a week. Then, I started thinking, what if I can't find someone else? (NOT that i'm looking), but i'm 38, what about a family? (my heart knows that he will not father my kids), but what if we can just get through this, maybe he'll be better? maybe our life can be better? if we can only get through this.
That's what's trapped me.
I even got the book everyone's been talking about, the one by Patricia Evans. But I keep thinking, well, I don't know if he's abusive outside of this situation. I lied, and now he yells horrible things at me, and then some. So, I don't know what he's like outside of this in a relationship. Is he abusive then too? Or only now because we have trust issues.
That is also what has me trapped.