i went to see my nes pdoc tonight. i felt sick and was so nervous and shaky. i fing the trouble with them is they kind of just sit there and i felt uncomfortable. but i suppose itws a way of getting the client to talk. i told him things i haven't told anyone in the world b4 - on our first meeting- and i feel guilty about it cos it sounds like a sob story. he said i'm allowed to feel sorry cos i was done an injustice and had my childhood taken away.

i never met this guy b4 in my life. he seems nice, and didn't bat an eye when i told him some stuff. i told him i've been venting on here and he says that's why everything is ready to come pouring out.

he also wants me to come off all my meds, so that i can get to the real deep issues. scary have to ask my doc first though.

found out i also have ptsd for real, always wondered, now i know.

i'm a bit wary of coming off meds altogether, but he says i will benefit from it cos it blocks deepest feelings out.

as tymber would say i feel numb at the moment, and expecting more nightmares according to what he said. but that's good, bodys way of healing.

went in chat but was jovial and didn't want to spoil atmosphere so i vented here instead.

sorry, needed to talk.

jin