in 12-step programs this would be called "taking each other's inventory" which is definitely not recommended i.e. listing each other's flaws. i think if you learn to make "i" statments rather than "you" statements you will have much better communication. as it is between you two now this is quite toxic. there's a book called nonviolent communication that talks about this as well. are you in any therapy? that might be a good thing to do. if you can't afford it you could try a 12-step group instead.