I don't think my mother has ever been to father's grave since the day he died. The plot is in a cemetery with many family graves. My mother's sister and brother-in-law (a much loved aunt and uncle of mine) regularly tend the graves.

Since mom's example was plant 'im and leave 'im, it was about 30 years before I visited my dad's grave another time after the funeral. I went one evening with my aunt and uncle. It was nice, but I don't feel much connection to the site, growing up as I did.

Perhaps that's why I have a more casual attitude toward the container and location. I once read a report that almost all people are forgotten within the third generation after one's death. He is in your mother's heart, and isn't that the most important place for him to be?