Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Christina
Im sorry you went ahead and took the test..
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Yikes! Me too ... not only for your suffering, butterflyflies, but also because I'm now too late with this post. So sorry ...
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Sorry my post was restricted to a Penn & Teller episode -- there are other issues here I didn't have time to address that night.
First off, I agree with everyone here about the abuse, control and trust issues that to my mind make it NECESSARY for you to leave, and make a polygraph exam moot:
Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflyflies
I finally came clean with the lies 2 months after first admitting I lied. I promised him then that I would never lie again and I haven't. I understand the lack of trust makes any relationship difficult ...
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Not just difficult -- IMPOSSIBLE. You've already put your soul on the line for his benefit, so the trust ball is now in HIS court; if he had any decency at all, your private confession would have been sufficient. To my mind, if my wife or I hide a nanny-cam or hire a detective or do any cloak-and-dagger work to catch the other cheating, our marriage is over
at that point even if no cheating is done -- because of the breach of trust involved.
Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflyflies
I have begged and pleaded to break up, but he won't let that happen.
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As duly noted by several other posters, it's not up to him. This smacks of control and domination -- and if he calls that "love," then just who's lying to who here???
Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflyflies
"before we had you, your daddy called me a fat c*** ..."
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Emotional abuse, pure and simple -- again, making a polygraph test moot.
Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflyflies
I've never once said I won't take it. I have nothing to hide. But he doesn't understand the emotional consequences it takes on me.
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Guess what? You can be completely honest and still fail the test! Besides the moral wrong of BF forcing you to face those consequences, pragmatically they could well push you into "false positives"
(how ironic that term is when applied to a "truth-finding" device!) for lying. You could simply be feeling fear, embarrassment or anger at having been asked probing questions, and physiological responses to those emotions could easily make you
appear dishonest -- in which case BF will feel entirely justified in his accusations and heap even
more abuse upon you.
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On to new responses:
Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflyflies
The tester even lied himself to "put me under duress" and told me that the lines were inconsistent, and that my fingers were sweating and my breathing was out of control when he asked certain questions.
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(Can anyone recommend me a good irony meter supplier? No sooner do I install one than it melts down ...)
If anyone wants to explore the abuses I alluded to earlier (e.g., "bluffing" questions to induce stress, the dreaded "post-test interrogation" in which the examiner tries to elicit a confession
the content of which the polygraph should have been able to reveal on its own) in greater detail than P&T had time for in a half-hour show, see UMinn psychology professor David T. Lykken's book
A Tremor in the Blood: Uses and Abuses of the Lie Detector (Plenum, 1998), Chapter 2, "Mr. Reader Has a Chance to Prove His Innocence."
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissBelle00
If he's being abusive now, trust me, he would've been abusive even if you hadn't lied! He is mentally unstable and this was just something he could cling to. If it hadn't been this, it would've been something else. That's how an abuser's brain works. I've dealt with plenty in my life.
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^^^^^^
This. BIG-time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JackBlack
If you truly lied about something that was important to him and then he found out then it is your responsibility to help comfort him regarding these issues.
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See above. She already did her best to do so -- and WITHOUT a polygraph!
Quote:
Originally Posted by JackBlack
Quite honestly I was given a polygraph once and because I had the foresight to seek a certified examiner, it turned out to be a non-confrontational and interesting learning experience.
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What were you suspected of, why were you expected to voluntarily seek ANY examiner, what kind of questions were you asked, and what makes you think a framed piece of paper on the wall bars an examiner from using the techniques noted above and in the book cited? (NOTE:
We don't have polygraphs; we'll have to trust your honesty.)
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BF has a PROBLEM. To the dumpster with him --
now.
