Thanks EV, kimmydawn, pinksoil, and sidony.
kimmydawn, I kind of was feeling like I was being pushed to be the "rock" by his inconsistency. Maybe not such a bad thing.
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And it doesn't sound like you are just sensing inconsistencies in his actions-- they are obviously there, you just typed one out for us. Did you point this out to him?
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No, I didn't, at least not last time. I was having trouble "getting my footing." I was feeling kind of bewildered in therapy, like WTF? I need to tell him that. Maybe he doesn't know he seems so confusing to me.
There are opportunities to bring my husband for counseling in two different contexts. We could do both or only one or the other, or neither. They are both very different with different goals. My decision is that it would be best not to bring him for counseling with T in the first context. I will do it on my own. I've weighed the pros and cons and this is what I want. And if T suddenly bursts out, "But I want to be involved too," I think I will just smack him one. Then we need to discuss the second context and decide, will I bring him for couples, yes or no? If no, will we go to another professional instead (I have a name)? And if no to that, what next? I feel like I at least have it broken into discrete steps and decision points. Each one brings its own round of discussion and other points to consider. Sigh, this is so complicated and takes so long. That's one good thing about my making at least one decision--at least we can stop spending time on that in therapy and get on to the next thing.
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And then T changed his mind! I would want to know what type of a message he is trying to send to you.
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Maybe that he is getting cold feet about the whole endeavor? If so, it's OK to tell me that rather than leaving me guessing. I guess I'll have to give him permission to be straight with me, or something like that.