I apologize Jax if I am hijacking but I wanted to respond to Wants2fly.

it was about 30 years before I visited my dad's grave

It was eight years before I went to my father's grave. I had just turned ten when he died. My mother took us kids to the cemetery often, but every time I went I would end up hysterical. So she started asking me if I wanted to go and I said no, it was too painful.

I lived with major guilt for those eight years until I was eighteen and decided to go one day. I had a hard time finding it, so hard in fact that I left in tears, unable to find it. My brother brought me the next day.

I went there often, looking for that connection too. It was hard to find. I just told myself that if there was an afterlife, he would at least know that I cared.

My mother stopped going after a year or so. She also had trouble dealing with it. I felt like we had abandoned him and that felt horrible.
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Ok. Back to the original topic now.

Jax, you said "I'd still like to get Aunt Rose and her husband a tombstone."

Your kind and caring thought touched my heart. I remember you posted about this a long time ago and I wished I could help you find a way. I still do.