Hi people,
I just want now to talk a little about myself taking advantage my anonymous name and escape from the fear of judgment . Actually this is the first time to share my thoughts and feelings in a forum or any social network. I don't know why it is so hard for me to talk (even now).
I am 26 living in Egypt and I am diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. I have been diagnosed with a lot of other disorders like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Schizophrenia and depression and psychotic feature, bla bla. But I guess BPD is the true diagnosis after reading about it. I started to show psychological problems around the age 17 but I guess I suffer from problems long before this age. I used to get good school notes but also I have never had normal (comparing to people I see) relationships. You can say that I am living alone during my life.Anyway I managed to get high school notes to get into medical school but I couldn't continue and I dropped college and here I am 26 and cannot have a university degree until now.
There has been always something in my head that should be solved. It is like there is a question that is inevitable, that you cannot live without finding a solution for it. It has been always the case that "It is not enough", something should be done and it never ends.
After I left medical school, I have joined another faculty and even though I managed to become one of the top ranking students in the past 3 years, here I am failing again.
Last year, I have met a girl and after 2 weeks of relationship (if you can call it that), we left each other. During this period there was a lot of things in mind that I don't understand. But there was something obvious (at least now) which is fear.
I spent the past 5 months mainly living in room, Don't even want to get out. I am living with my family but still alone.
I am feeling shame now for talking about myself. But I will post this anyway.